What You Need to Know About Family Law Factors
When dealing with the introduction of new romantic partners to children after family separation or divorce, there are several important family law implications to consider. The legal framework surrounding post-separation parenting is advanced in The Children’s Law Reform Act, R.S.O., 1990, c. C.11 and other relevant statutes. When introducing a new partner, the most pertinent section of the Act to consider is "Section 20: . . . a person is not to conduct himself so that the parent with who the child is not living is intentionally excluded from the child’s life." Courts have held that including a new partner in a child’s life could be in contrast with this provision. New partners may be introduced in the presence of their biological parent and therefore not be intentionally excluding the other parent, as required by the Act, however where these introductions occur in the absence of the other parent, a case could be made that such actions would be exclusionary and therefore unreasonable .
In addition to this general provision, any parenting agreement made between parents may also have clauses that are applicable to new partners. These clauses may provide for particular communication protocols if the children are to be introduced, or they may be specific about how new partners should not be introduced. This can be an important consideration when planning for new partners not to be introduced in the presence of the other parent without mutual consent.
Family law implications surrounding the introduction of new partners to children after separation or divorce may have lasting significance for many years into the future. Any legal agreements made or violations thereof could serve to demonstrate evidence of unreasonableness when assessing custody agreements between parents. This can be an important consideration when determining what steps should be taken in introducing new partners to children, at what age, and under what circumstances. When in doubt, it is often best to speak with family law counsel to determine what your obligations may be.
Legal and Emotional Considerations
Given the nuance required to undertake this process, it is important to first consider both the legal and emotional factors at play within the families involved.
The introduction of a new partner to other children requires careful consideration of the position of both families. In terms of the emotional factors to be considered, it is pivotal to consider, for example, whether the child(ren) will be meeting a person who will become their step-parent, what sibling support networks are in place and whether the other parent is supportive of the new relationship.
In terms of the broader legal context, it is important to ensure that the new partner understands that any contact with a child can expose them to the possibility of being named in future Family Court proceedings. This can be particularly important in circumstances where the relationship with the new partner does not develop into a long-term relationship. It is also important to remember that, under section 63C of the Family Law Act, a parent or other person with whom a child has a significant relationship, has standing to bring proceedings for parenting orders. This means that a child’s new step-parent, or other relatives, can potentially apply to Court if they believe that such an order would be in the child’s best interests.
The family dynamics in the above examples all require careful analysis, and often require the guidance of a family law professional.
Impacts on Custody and Visitation
Another area that may be affected when introducing a new partner to your children is the existing custody, visitation and parenting time schedule. A factor that courts consider when determining or modifying custody and visitation matters is whether a parent has brought an unrelated adult into the home during their parenting time. Specifically, did the parent spend time with the child and their new partner, or were they just roped into the situation?
Many parents are surprised to find that, even in a shared parenting arrangement, if one parent lacks a steady job, is on public assistance, lives in a not so good neighborhood, or has a new live in partner, the courts may deem that parent unfit to properly care for the child. Therefore, by simply moving in a new partner, the existing parent may have less parenting time. Also, the existence of an unrelated adult in the home can affect the child’s safety and welfare; again, the court’s discretion pretty much controls this analysis.
Many parents wish to have the help of their new partner in parenting their children. While a new partner’s presence shouldn’t impact the existing parenting relationship negatively, too often it forces an unfair burden onto the kids to adjust to the new partner too. Kids are very perceptive. If a child feels any undue pressure to accept the new partner into their life, it can cause the relationship between the child and their birth parent to suffer. Other times, kids can be put in uncomfortable situations between coping with the new environment and being expected to give the new partner attention. A lot of times kids will feel the need to pick sides and take a stance of disapproval toward the new partner. When there are two parents and a single new partner, the dynamic isn’t as bad as when there is a mother, father, new partner and new partner’s kids. In such situations, a newly formed blended family can be a wild ride!
There are some factors that the courts hold in high regard when considering changing existing parenting arrangements. First, with a move by a child, the children should not lose their relationship with the parent they are moving away from, nor should the moving party be prohibited from relocating out of state, or across the state with their child. The courts have a great deal of discretion in these matters and the circumstances of each case are examined closely to determine if the moving party should be permitted to relocate with the child(ren).
As a last note, and certainly not least, remember that parents have the right to co-parent. Too often, some people think that getting divorced, and/or simply moving on, gives them the "right" to exclude the other parent because they are now living with someone new. Essentially, you have to learn how to let go, and give the children the ability to form relationships with both parents, and their new partners. They deserve the right to have their relationships with you, the opposite parent and their new partner.
Tips for Introducing Partners to Children
After a divorce, many parents choose to start new relationships. These are often romantic relationships, but not always. People may also become close friends after being separated from a spouse. In either event, however, it can be confusing for your children to suddenly see a strange adult on a regular basis. You can facilitate a smooth introduction by keeping some basic practices in mind.
Timing Matters
As is evidenced by the title of this article, you should not introduce your partner to your children right away. Child psychologists recommend that you wait about six months after a divorce to introduce a new partner to children. Of course, how long it really takes to introduce a new partner to your children ultimately depends on your children, as well as the pace of the relationship, but six months is a good general timeline to follow. You don’t want your new relationship to be a hindrance in custody or visitation discussions, and you potentially could find that any high conflict you have with your ex-spouse in this regard is due to your not following these guidelines.
Some adults who introduce new partners to children right away mean no harm. They may simply have not considered the potential negative impact of this situation. In reality, the significance of the relationship of the adult to the child likely will be overestimated. In some cases, children believe that their father or mother has started a new family that they have been excluded from. In other cases, there may be jealousy over the time you are spending together.
Model Appropriate Behavior
Part of the reason behind the six-month rule is that, by this time, you will know whether the relationship is serious. You will have met each other’s friends and family and likely will have spent the night together on occasion. By waiting six months , you also can ensure that you are introducing a potential marriage partner to your children. Kids can struggle with the idea of their parents remarrying. If you were to introduce a new partner too soon only for it to lead to a breakup, it could emotionally harm your children. You want to model appropriate behavior for your children, and a parent who rushes into the dating game should try to take things a little slower.
As you go through the process of introducing a new partner to your children, you should also ensure that you are not skipping any steps. Before bringing a partner home to your children, you want to ensure that children already have met this new partner away from home. For example, your new partner should already have met your children at least once in a neutral location, and you should have spent time away from your children with your new partner to test the waters.
Explain the Relationship
Assuming that you believe you have found someone who may become permanent in your life, you want to control the story about your relationship between you and your new partner. Even children have a tendency to jump to the wrong conclusions. You want to tell your children that you have started dating someone and that you are happy. You should tell them that you want to introduce them to this person who makes you happy. However, you should not tell them your new partner is your boyfriend or girlfriend. Again, at this point, you are unsure of permanence. This step also allows your partner to build a bond with your children. Should you and your partner eventually marry, your children will already feel comfortable with this individual.
The Other Parent’s Perspective
Once you’re ready to introduce your partner to your children, you’ll also need to approach your ex to discuss it. It can be difficult to communicate across the co-parenting divide — especially about sensitive issues like a new relationship.
Do Not Skip the "Talk"
Make time to meet with the other parent and explain how you envision life with your new partner. Be sure to present the decision as a positive choice that will keep the family unit happy, healthy, and strong. If your ex can accept the idea in principle, you can address the details as they arise.
Negotiate Respectfully
Avoid broaching the subject via email or text. These methods can be misconstrued as disrespectful to the other parent’s authority. Even if you can’t, for reasons of distance or otherwise, schedule a face-to-face meeting, be sure to pick up the phone to discuss the situation. If the other parent refuses to accept your new relationship, refer to what is best for the children. Remind the other parent that while you may no longer be together, you will continue to be co-parents for the foreseeable future. As such, your new partner should be welcomed as a part of the family. Emphasize the benefits of introducing the new relationship to the children early on, so the kids can grow accustomed to the idea of having an additional caring adult in their lives ASAP.
Maintain Open Channels of Communication
Once your partner is involved with the lives of your children, it’s critical to encourage communication with all involved parties. Invite your kids to speak up if they’re unhappy with any new arrangements that have been made. Once your partner is up to speed on these preferences, they can cultivate their relationship with the children. Provide them with tips for making your new partner feel welcome. Don’t forget to encourage your partner to obtain feedback from your kids; you want to ensure everyone feels their needs are met — and how better to discover these needs than by asking the kids themselves?
Lawyer Assistance
Legal guidance and support: While the suggestion of introducing a new partner to your children may seem simple, it is often a process that can require legal guidance and advice. Family law solicitors can advise you about the best approach to take in your particular circumstances based on a number of issues, including not only the age and needs of the children who are involved but also the nature of the relationship between them and their parents and any other factors that may affect your plans to introduce your new partner to them . Family law solicitors will often be able to help you to work out the right way to introduce your new partner to your children, making provision for you to discuss parenting issues with them and cope if they struggle with the idea.